estoy aqui, sin ti….

courtesy of

courtesy of

Once again, I find myself not writing about que milagro dos. I promise it’s coming, but it will have to wait until next week. Between my dislike of the cold and some very strong emotions, I find myself constantly thinking and daydreaming. Today, I went to a memorial service for my friend’s uncle who had passed away earlier in the week. As you can imagine, it was a somber event. It is never easy to lose someone you love. By accident, by design, or by choice. There are always scars – some deeper than others – some more visible – but scars nonetheless.

During the sermon, the pastor began to talk about love. And how we as humans do not love enough or our love comes with stipulations or we give our love to those who do not deserve it. And I began to cry. I cried for my friend’s uncle, I cried for those I have lost, and I cried for mi novio whom I said goodbye to in Mexico. Because I said goodbye, not I will see you later. At this stage in our lives, we are in different places, and we are unable to reconcile all of our differences. So unfortunately, we cannot be. I accept that news logically in my brain. I think I even know it in my heart. But I still cried today because I wonder did I do the right thing in the long run.

I leave you today with the poem I sent him when I left. And the song I played when I walked out. I hope that I am right that it is better to be alone then to be with a person who does not help you grow and fully become yourself. I hope that my decision will make sense to me one day. Until then….

love letter

How do I tell you that I love you? But that we cannot be.
How do I tell you that I can’t breathe without you? But I take in one more breath.
How do I tell you that you belong to me? But I turn around and set you free.
How do I tell you that you are my other half? But I cut the ties that bind us.

Please my love,
mi amor,
moje duso,
believe me when I tell you all those truths.
But believe me also when I act all those deeds.

Maybe one day, the words will mean more than the deeds.
Hopefully tomorrow. Ojala…

I”m Here, Without You

He belongs to her …
and she belongs to the past
and laughter, shouts and anger
these do not belong to nobody
those you the gift

Rain was falling on the balcony
And your smoking a cigarette on the couch
Your voice, calling me to the balcony to see rain
They were my hands from the strings to the paper
Also, your eyes from my face to the wall
Without faith, knowing that it has stopped raining
I’m here without you
Sunk in silence
I’m without you, here
Wishing you back with me
Let’s go to the balcony to see rain

He sees with tearful eyes
she looks but no longer remembers him for a photo
some old photos that have been worn
As the promises of eternal love that was lost over the years
she is tired and bored
he is looking at her and barely see anything
what it will love
or what she looks like smoke
why spend their lives inventing

I always swore that one day were not coming back
Together because there was nothing else to do
After the car jalabas until six
Rain keeps falling on the balcony
And you’re not with your cigarette on the couch
And me, trying to write this song

I’m here without you
Sunk in silence
I’m without you, here
Wishing you back with me
Let’s go to the balcony to see rain

I’m here without you
Sunk in silence
I’m without you, here
Wishing you back with me
Let’s go to the balcony to see rain

2 thoughts on “estoy aqui, sin ti….

  1. Pero bueno!!!
    So, when yesterday you said you were cold, you really meant to say your heart was cold, you were feeling alone, sad and blue….
    Bueno…Qué quieres que te diga…Tú eres la más indicada para saber si te has equivocado o si aún hay esperanza para intentarlo una vez más… Pero, desde luego, no puedes sentir que él es un freno para tu desarrollo….Porque entonces no funcionará…Porque entonces, tarde o temprano, se lo echarás en cara en un momento, y será más doloroso aún….Una cosa es ser diferentes, y otra ser totalmente opuestos….
    Un abrazo muy grande…
    Y no olvides que llorar es parte del duelo… Es sano, es bueno, a ayuda a pasar página…
    PD: El poema precioso, y la canción, muy bonita y triste…

    • Ah si…me entiendes muy bien.! Triste y frio juntos. Pero bueno como te dijiste. Él llegó a mi vida en un momento en que realmente lo necesitaba. Siempre estaré agradecido con él por esa amabilidad.
      Pero ahorita, es muy diferente. Y tienes razón, ser diferente no es lo mismo que ser opuestos. Voy a estar bien – transiciones siempre son difíciles.
      Mil mil gracias por tu palabras amables 🙂 Un abrazito grandote para ti tambien.!!

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